Breakups

I posed the question
To push you for answers
And I guess you have been pushed too far
Maybe a time or two before me and you
Unannounced to me
I always was the last to find out
Things that deal with my heart
You said nothing
I waited on the stairs crying hoping you would come back and embrace me
You said nothing
So I packed my things
Your self righteous ass met me at the door
Your emotions neatly stacked
Ready to be rid of me
Because you're perfect
We'll I am who I am
The great I am in fact
My mother loves me covered in flaws
So you can pack those empty I love yous and I miss you baby's
Empty words aren't needed here
I'll see you on the other side
Where the grass is greener
And I'll wait to hear the words
"It was more plush where I was standing before"
I'll chuckle and say " damn you didn't know"

Homeless man in coffee shop

If a man has to use the bathroom
A man with nothing
Is it not our duty to give him the pot to piss in
Or should he be berated and embarrassed
As the public specimen he is
A cautionary sign of the lowest of the low
It reads on his chest in scarlet red: when you have nothing you get nothing

The light in me
Recognizes the light in you
Love is birthed from this space
It Is neither blind nor ignorant
But all knowing

(I was sitting, waiting, wishing) then finally dreaming

I want you here so bad
I thought I heard your voice
but 20 steps later there is nothing
silence in the absence of you
and it screams so loud
I touch myself to fill the space with something
Anything
Anything to keep my eyes open
hoping to see you walk through the haze
don't make me wait in vain
don't make me wait in pain
for your love

The evolution of language

That hard er stings a little 
surprises me, when I read old literture
how ugly people were
the evolution of language however, couldn't be more beautiful
because now it's a word of endearment
 subtract the er add an A
the modern nigger is a nigga
descendents of the first man
 surviving an attempted anihilation
to bring light and wisdom to the world

disappearing acts of heartlessness

It's as if our loved dissipated overnight
the sun set and it was gone
So many people will tell you they love you
They can't be without you
you complete them
8 months down the line this isn't good for them
As if you don't need the sun to grow
I would do anything for you
 Crawl outside myself and give my heart to you as it beats in my chest
my whole being in your hand
 so  you could know what love is
But you can look me in the eye and throw me away
So easily like the epiphany you created
I don't need you, my friends are right
But I want you
I want you so badly my sobs choke my throat
my lymph nodes are sore with sadness
and my eyelids heavy like gold stacks refuse to see the light
But the love I need
wouldn't leave me
Hasn't ever left, it sits here in my spirit
so when you left me, in the same fucking room I've been left before
me and love weeped for ourselves

girl in the window

I had a dream about you
you were standing in my bedroom window naked
On the outside looking in
I laid there starring at your bare breast
the moonlight illuminated them with a blue haze
spotlighting your nipples
which were hard like tiny pebbles across the sand
I imagine myself taking one of them in my mouth
perfect gumdrops rolling around my tongue
you just standing there with this quiet peace
longing to be in the room
 I step out of bed my thin see through night gown falling to the ground
our gaze locked  inside the intensity of longing
watching every night
wishing you could, would climb through the window and whisper
"I want you more then ever before"
while sliding your fingers between my legs
But when I got to the window you disappeared
vanished in the moonlight
where you stood a pile of Sentimental roses

golden love

I called her golden child
because her skin glowed from a love that came from deep in her heart
it twinkled outward with passion
she was the object of beauty
with masculinity hiding inside
chestnut dripping in honey
self assured and confident
but yet meek at times
 the golden child adorned by all
for her lush supple lips and perfect smile
Can I lay between those lips for awhile?
or listen to them speak
If I was summer was she was fall
calm, cool, warm like a mother's womb
a magnificent site to behold
like the first golden leaves
God herself in tattered paint covered shirt  
I called her golden child
and made her my sun

dark matter

It tells me I'm worthless
It tells me no no one loves me
It tells me I have no friends
All it tells me is lies

Maybe I'm too much
too much and not enough
a  simultaneous fuck
 that will leave you alone
scrolling through the pictures on your Iphone
living vicariously through your social media
they all smile when they see ya
but where are you when I need you
this winter

electric dolls

So busy staring at the crowd
You forget what the musics about
pretty girls lined in a row
all scarred to breathe and let their feelings show
you paid two hundred dollars to be seen
but desperations stinks after awhile and everyone smells what I mean
No need to breed jealousy
just let go and live the fantasy

Two strangers share a common thread

for a moment in time

differing ideologies  met at the intersection of

GOD is LOVE

naively comfortable

I'm comfortable with you now
And by that I mean I realize your not a leaf blowing through my life
experiencing me and all my wind
Then packing your bags writing a goodbye letter to leave at the edge of our bed
I'm comfortable with the fact that I look forward to seeing you when i pull in the driveway
Hugging you hello then rolling over to lay beside you
So now it's finally time for me to put my things away
Take the cat out of the suitcase and introduce her to her new home
It's time for me to hang things on the wall that represent us
Create our space a space we both love and want to come home to
I'm comfortable with you now, but am I too comfortable?

past moment in love

The mist falls forming tiny crystal balls in your dreads

I remember the times I would nestle my cheek against your wet beard

Scratch your chin and kiss your little ears

Your scent a mixture of cocoa butter and incense encircles me

like long arms wrapping themselves twice around my body

I lay back at peace and fall into your chest

As you stroke my head and tell me dreams and desires

This is a moment I miss 

This moment with  you

We use to take long walks the street lights our stars

talking about the mysteries of the IChing

gazing upon the water smoking a blunt 

This serenity wasn't always there

but this, this is a moment I chose to remember

I can't recreate them or relive them

So I'll take a piece of that pie

and only recollect how sweet it all was

let me go love

Imprints on my heart

memories I can't drown

feelings I can't escape

What happens when you say forever, now you want it to end

I can't love you anymore  

I have someone who will hold only me at night

Someone who doesn't lie when I inquire about where they ae

muffled voice

a girl I can't name

if your words weren't real

if they were empty 

Why can't I let them go

These factory words sit on an empty heart

holding space for something that could be all I need

Everyone is so concerned with falling in  love

I just want it to let me go

future

We are the same person
I recognize me in you
A glimpse of my future
smooth chocolate skin with age but wrinkle free
peach bonnets
fingers that glisten with gold
and an old story I never told
a sigh of relaxation
As you settle into oblivion
dreams or reality
I never could decide
Do you still get high?
And cry at all the things you have
Do you still speak in the sweetest tones?
Are you filled with happiness when you think of the things you've experienced?
Has your compassion hardened like the bones of the earth
or do you still melt when someone needs your help
Oh Mrs. Daisey you're alright

haunted house painted yellow

A house full of bad energy

will push you out

you will find yourself in the street looking for anything

just to get away 

any excuse to be in the wilderness 

to step from behind the glass and breathe 

you will wonder how did I let this get so bad

to die a thousand times just to feel the pain to escape

the freeing moment of death

but even now your not ready for that moment

these feelings and thoughts manifest in the house

find your way out

before it's too late and the space claims you 

self healing prayer

God if your listening
if your with me now
I'm asking you for healing
To ease my body and my mind
I've exhausted my options
Set me on the path of least resistence
Heal the wounds of my lineage
Help the things I can't see
in my sisters and brothers
so young and fragile
where is this disease coming from
how can I let go of this pain
it's eating me from the inside out
And I know these doctors don't know what their talking about
So God if your listening
light my path
I looked down and realized I'm holding the candle
and I'm talking to myself

short talks

Wisdom can come in one word
an energetic connection of the mind
exactly what I needed to hear
 at the right time when our bodies collide
you came falling into my world
and uttered single word
giving me a power I didn't have before
Now it's up to me to show I'm listening

when am I a women?

I feel like a little baby women
just emerging from the water
in unfamilar surroundings
trying to stand and walk tall
I breathe you heavily
falling out of a snow globe
The picture gets more detailed
And your lips are made of tiny kaleidoscope molecules
I don't know where to go or who to be
so I asked my heart before each step
to guide me
 that way at the end of this journey I'll smile

Trust Issues

I couldn't have told you I had them
Then I experienced love
and then I suffered through loss
It left it's remninence building walls of distrust
Creating curtains of selfshness
Temptation lurks in every corner
A lick of supple lips
A brush of the shoulder
My eyes divert their gaze
I can't lose compusure
I must stay faithful even if it's against the nature of my being
I can't imagine any lustful satisfaction worth the look of hurt in her eyes

Shallow world

Everyone wants bricks but no one is building houses
Concerned with reaching the top with empty spirits and full pockets
As if the stars don't light your path at night
Girl where you going? slow down
We see the patches on your skin
Black velvet eyes
Hollowed with greed
If I were to bow down we would share the same idol
And I worship nothing of this world
I want to know the joy of embracing love
Relishing a talk with a long lost friend
 Putting someones happiness above my own
 Sacrifice and Perservernce
Reaching the top of a mountain and beholding God's eye
The Great onyx cries
My vision is clear
Euculyptus mind
I see relief she looks jubilant
And she wants me to sit with her
without my worries

new path

So many flowers being spread
My heart burns to see them go
How can I witness your growth from so far away
But as a mother sees her seed off I'll let you be
 Blurred vision a picture of my last sight of you
wild flowers that spread spontaneously
I'll always know that first seed

The longest night

Emotionally naked and exhausted
Sick with helplessness, stuck in confusion
Because I saw you there
 Laying on the cold filthy checkered floor
The white spots now turn to grey
Wetness dampens your corduroy pants
A puddle of urine accumulates under your limp body
I wanted to cradle you in my arms
I couldn't bare to watch your descent
Young queen whom I barely know
Don't be scared of enlightenment
Fighting the truth will leave you screaming for a savior
Hush, hush I know the feeling
Is this it? Is life really this simplistic?
Will we be together in the end?
Will God forgive me for killing apart of myself?
No this is not a dream sweet thing
Push through the darkness to be born into light
Glistening gold flecks in the air
Catch your strength and never let go
There are things that want to devour you  in slow miniscuial bites
But salvation is merely a step away
Forget their doctrine they use to keep your spirit in a box
Don't run from me I'll be here tomorrow
waiting with a smile
I'm neither friend nor foe
I am you

rain smell

Listening to Baths rain smell
Remember the heart ache I felt 
I kept the song on repeat that night 
As if it could wash away the pain
But the distress was too deep to reach
So I laid my head down on our burgundy couch and covered my vulnerability
Now here with you I hear the familiar tune and tears well up in the sullen pockets of my eyes
Before I realized they were there 
You wiped wiped them away
Put your arms around me and told me
"I never want to see you cry"
it was in that moment I realized how lucky am I 
to know real love now 
I'm not naive enough to think you won't ever hurt me
But that you care enough to try not to 
Tells me you are what I need 
And I your faithful pupil are more then ready to learn 

you win

Sex with you is like running a marathon
The whole time I think who will reach the finish line first
Because I hate running
I decide to let you have it
 One because your faster
Two because someone deserves some satisfaction for this fucked up situation
This race use to be so invigorating
I would have run against you for hours
But now I close my eyes
So you can't see the secrets of my emotions
And I can continue this charade of love

womanly love

Tell me about her, the one you love
It is as if her soul traveled from the motherland
Bringing ancient wisdom and compassion
Her skin glistens like the chrystalized ground of Africa beating songs of the sun
Her voice is soft and timid which she never raised even in confrontation
I'm overwhelmed by the wave of her smell
It draws me in like a moth to a flame  intensifying my feeling of wanting to be nearer to her
I am encompassed  by my desires
 To feel her mocha cheek nestled against mine
Our thighs dance ribbon patterns
As our lips seal the ends
I get lost in her pools transfixed by her beauty
I stiffen my legs unable to relax afraid of this being our last time
Afraid that I would be a slave in these pools unable to free myself of her love
What if she were to leave you?
I'd drown, not wanting to be saved
The memory of her would torment my  days
Loneliness would devour my hand
And I would give into hopelessness
If someone so kind and so ethereal couldn't love you
Then who my dear will stay

my last breath

As I lay sleeping deep into the night
The angel of death came for me
My eyes grew heavier then they ever were before
As if they were closing to never be open again
I felt strangely at peace with this realization
My body was overcome by a massive energy
And I began to ask God for forgiveness
I asked the universe to direct my soul to it's next plane
And to not let me fall into the tight grip of evil
With my last breath I prayed for God's mercy and thanked her for the life I have lived
A smidgen of nervousness crept into my heart as I prepared to leave my body
Let them know I loved them Let them know I cared enough not to want to leave
Inhale
Exhale
Then my eyes opened and I was very relieved

Red koolaid

A little ashamed to say 
I drank the koolaid
I didn't take small sips either
But gulps that went down too easy
Tasted the sweetness and I was instantly addicted to it's sharp tang
I conldn't get enough
It was as if I had never had something so invigorating
So infinitely delicious
I thought how could I go on without this
how had I lived before
This elixir seems to have brought color to my life
 A magic that helps to keep me going
 But over time I realized 
It was just like everything else
Colored water I had drunk before 
Just as now I thought I couldn't live without it
High above the clouds I'm still alive and life is just as good
If not better free of imitations