a leaf in the wind

Searching for the path of light or a yellow brick road to follow
ambivalence
feet like the wind
I feel like I'm passing through life with the weight of a leaf
doomed to worry about where I will lay
impossible to do when your always standing
moving,romancing
the leaf wonders about being a tree forgetting the journey
impatience
a feeling that can be demanding on the mind
as I get older I see jus sitting complacent is harder to do
the mind always running after what could be, what should be
hearing the beauty of birds in the distance while the sun warms your face
an unnatural heat in late december
the first time I've been present today
and not occupied with things that don't matter
let people bring you drama
your heart bring you peace
let your love bring you life

gabrielles dreams

Deep in the night the owl talks
he tells me epic stories and to watch out for the shadows
don't ever stare at the moon too long
girls trapped in cages made of rusting brass bars
the birds sniff lines of coke and snap their pointed beaks at my ankles
eletrical wires hang loosely at my feet
holding my urine while failed thoughts of escape explode in the mind
trying not to choke on the smell of rotting flesh
dying was such a release
my spirit floating suspended in the air a serene sensation
astroflying to my mom to watch her sleep
i bend close to her ear "don't worry" I whisper
I'm of the moon and stars
don't fear the owl says
"what the eye can not see the heart understands"

weather report

At the end of the storm
when things are quieting down
you wait anxiously for the sun to shine
but the storm lingers on and you wonder if the rain will ever stop
have faith that light will come back
the sun will once again reach its golden arms around you
and when you smell the wet cement you will appreciate the heat radiating through your body even more
you will be filled with life

bonfires no shots fired

cant sleep
watching the world spin behind a cigerette
some things never change
and although today i can't complain
can't help remebering the days
of our first golden haze
25 cent singles and dollar forties
in our treehouse hidden from the majority
all the laughs shared on your bedroom floor
waking and baking on the sea shore
my reflection changed in every surface
yelling at god from a sandypit, what is my purpose
lost in my own stinking andolescent shit
full of fears i couldn't admit
long kisses in the back of your mom's car
soaking wet from long hugs in the rain
before the games we played to drive each other insane
secret meetings in the farmhouse
golden slumbers in the field
when all we had was time and life was butt a dream unrealized
who knows what was real
sneaking out to see your smile glow under the streetlight
nothing matters when it all feels right
before we all turned grey and retreated into our minds
a girl dressed in yellow seduced us with no warning signs
we fell deep into her dead eyes
remebering the days we ran naked through fields
remebering that simplistic love of how being a child feels

i want to hold your hand

The road stretchs infintely ahead of us
uncomfortable silences hold our words captive
with everything I can't say
I glance over at you beckoning with my eyes
sex now not a mystery a goal I have already achieved
unsatisfying like a single drop of water on a dry throat
I yearn now for your hand in mine
intimacy the separation of love from lust
the feelings I feel for you
but a young galliant heart riding the wind
wildly without a second thought seldom thinks of deeper connections
who am I to tell you to give up your freedom
give up hot bathroom rendevous for movie nights and cuddle times
just that ten year old girl waiting to catch your eye and slide
this road is more treachorous then you are willing to take
less traveled often abandoned
empty hearts lay trampled heaving slow pumps
barely beating left to suffer at loves grasps
this end maybe tragic
two lovers lying dead in the catacombs
one holding a bottle of poison one with a bloody knife in hand
but the journey to a where their lips met
so powerful and all emcompassing
im sure they would choose this road again
I stare ahead wondering if the end of our road could be better
well i'll wipe the tears away later if only you would hold my hand

moby

my first real masturbation was to moby
i thought i heard the shuffle of angels feet
inspired by distance and jealously
I wanted to please myself
while you tickled other girls fancy
I pushed thoughts of you away
as i pushed my fingers deeper into the soft wetness of my womanlihood
and it felt so good to make myself moan for the first time
showers upon showers of blessings
and just for a tiny moment I didn't need you

living inside a glass house

she lives in that beautiful house on the hill
houses that look like brick
strong in standing and sturdy
but if you look closely it is only glass
an illusion of strength
can't be blown down but easily broken
glued pieces of structure wear thin
a lamb in wolfs' clothing
maybe it's something I did last december
pity I don't remeber
every rising sun brings a new day
but some hold on to the vices of yesterday
how lucky it is to forget
when I don't have the words I just sit silent
but when silence sickens you is it fair to drown people in your words
vacuous to them
but I couldn't hold the silence hostage forever
no answrs under my peeling skin
just a dumb girl who doesn't know where to begin
don't beleive anyone would listen anyway
this glass house can't stand forever even if no stones are throne

4 am rain

The rain falls late into the night
the tv cutts itself off, probably for the better
darkness reminds me of the vacancy in my room
now all I can think about is you
I wish you could hear natures music
drumming against the roof
your thumb rubbing against the back of my hand
the gentle touch of love
comfort and happiness
the soothing gaze of your closest friend
I want that with you
I could never tell you such hidden feelings
other men I could handle
but rejection from you would bring too many tears
none am I willing to spare
wet streaks of heart ache across the pavement
no I couldn't bare
instead I will just watch my fantasy play out behind my closed eyelids
to the tap tap tapping of the cool night rain

secret starbucks lovers

The scowling lesbian types angrily in the corner
probably love notes lost to her husband
full of more passion to her secret lover
not so secret to those with open eyes and alert noses
peeking threw the glass at the parking lot
someone once told me somebody is always watching
I guess I am the somebody

love at dawn

We stayed up to watch the sunrise
because I couln't part with your smile
I wanted to watch the world wake from your chest
kiss your neck with morning dew
how could I resist such lips dripping sweet
thick with youth
like they have never been kissed before
needless to say I missed the sunrise
I looked up and minutes had passed
minutes I did not feel
the sun was up and I couldn't believe the experienced we jus shared
mouth gaping open
I had no words and I had to let go

There will be days

There will be days
he said with an half smile
deep sunken eyes you could fall into
get lost in the paridime for days
there will be days where its hard to greet lifes challenges
your tears choke your throat into closing
and you hit yourself for fear of hurting someone else
your eyes will fight to stay shut and refuse to open
there will be days
when someone you loved and trusted will stab you in the back
when you question yourself and your morality
I lowered my eyes in guilt
apprehensive about what would be said next
he took my hand in his, rough with time, and smiled reassuringly
but dont lose faith in the gooodness of your heart
because for every one of those days there will be days that the sun couldn't shine brighter
and your soul couldn't fill warmer
as you float above all the problems you once had
and they fall to your feet in ashes
and those are the days you live for

snacks and juice boxes
boxes of multi color
cars racing on carpets
licking surgary crumbs off my fingers one by one
my best friend was a girl of very few words
if any at all, her words escape me at this moment
but her smile i will always remeber
the way she looked down afraid to show emotion
how she couldn't stand in front of the class even for a few miniscuial moments
she didn't talk but I know she listened
and I chatted away enough for the both of us
Mary Margaret
she is unforgettable
unforgettable like a first friend
saturday cartoons in boy pajamas
falling off bikes and getting back on
naked barbies in dark rooms on top of pink floral sheets
little hearts on pages and dreams of hugs
everything is sunny until loneliness sets in
snacks and juice boxes always over too quickly

skin deep

She ran through the night
toward her past a dim light in a black hole
when the only true love she had is gone
she washes the blood away with dirty water
only a dial tone on the end of the phone
a muffled sound underneath her tears
be strong young one
flowers can grow from bloody water
look at your glowing chocalate skin

In the end

It seems as though the sand has run out
and everyday there is a sign
that soon everything you thought will vanish with the others
ideas of fear they've instilled in us
flashing images filled with blood
but no one wants to grow old
forever young idolized
andolescence renewed
though wisdom comes with age and time
frightened into our giant empty rooms
by a god who will never love you
unfulfilled spaces
scab like old wounds
I can't tell you what will happen
but I know today i feel fine
and fuck tommarrow if it comes

waiting for love

Latley I've wanted someone
someone waiting naked in my bed
after long days of obligations and harsh words
i want to feel your soft skin against mine
cuddle with you into the night
the quiet sounds of summer
our heavy breathing
having finished the internal connection
experiencing love
I am young but even still the thought of such a treasure
diminishes daily
I'm not even looking
I have no list of qualities to check off
presumptiously all i have is an idea
a scene, a feeling
someone so wonderful they make you nervous with insecurity
the unexplainable comfort of lying in someones arms
under the night sky feeling safer
the I've ever felt
the complete fulfilliment of finding your souls match
the sparkling kiss and not the sloppy makeout
the lioness sleeps alone in her vacant cave

vacant space

i thought i missed you
but what i missed is the affirmation
the safety and the warmth of...
LOVE
love has come and gone but heart break hasnt budged
closure cant exist
until someone can fill this space
something
or anything
desperation to fill complete again

his old shirt

Under all the odds and ends
I found your old black shirt
smelling s if you wore it yesterday
I imagined your soft lips and giant feet as you lay
tossled in my sheets
I wonder what your doing on this hot summer day
clothes sticking to you like a wet napkin
your probably with another
leaving behind pieces of you to be remebered
I guess i shouldnt call
i wrestle with the idea

she lived in the woods for a couple of days
masturbating to the filth in her head
cleansing her mind of Sundays torture
robes made of burlap sacks
shiny rings of fools gold
falling asleep to Gods voice
playing in her head records
reaching your potential is being happy with just you
and the trees
let go of the lights of the city
look back and fear your stone heart

holy ghost yells Fuck you

Get down on your knees and pray to the lord girl
fire and brimstone spew from their mouths
"I will not" she said
I will not
raise your hands to Jesus girl
clap for his mercy
dance for his blessings
"I will not" she said
I will not
Everyone gasps clasping their sweating palms
shook their empty heads
until finally she bent her knees
the weight of the bible pushing her neck down to the ground
all the faces filled with malice smirked
black eyes blazing in anger because of her defiance
this would always be her battle
the faces
the fingers
the clicking
the dissapointment
save her
save her
such a sweet girl shouldn't burn
burn for your indignations
melt in her ignorance
what kind of God punishes you for your opinion
Free will?
Free to burn in hell
she will burn because she never felt that almighty spirit beckoning her to the alter
with every tear
"I will not" she said
I will not and if I dont that was my choice
and I'll see you sinners in hell

human lion

who gave that lion such a big heart
surely it must be a mistake
everyone whispered
"are'nt lions supposed to be strong and fearless
this is so
but what kind of lion walks on two feet
and speaks of worlds unknown
you are a lion the stars speak no lies
but i made you human
you will make mistakes
and people will fool you
but take solice in the fact that you will lead in kindness

Sunday mornings are for nakedness
lying in between each others legs
part conciousness
part dream
your scent covering the bed
as we lie entangled
watching movies
giggling at our puns
careful not to let anyone hear
waiting to see if this bud will bloom
into the rose we both want it to be