a test?

all of us with our thinking faces
trying to do the best we can
searching our minds for arbitrary facts forgotten
we run after what was left behind
pins and paper
questions no answers
measuring my intellect with someones broken scale
I wonder what description of my self will this test tell
will it say how I stayed up all night comforting a friend
or my daily struggles to exude love
will it tell how I have looked fear in his eyes and stood strong
without a flinch of doubt
or will it tell a tale of how much pointless information I can regurgitate on paper
a story that will never be told again

a leaf in the wind

Searching for the path of light or a yellow brick road to follow
ambivalence
feet like the wind
I feel like I'm passing through life with the weight of a leaf
doomed to worry about where I will lay
impossible to do when your always standing
moving,romancing
the leaf wonders about being a tree forgetting the journey
impatience
a feeling that can be demanding on the mind
as I get older I see jus sitting complacent is harder to do
the mind always running after what could be, what should be
hearing the beauty of birds in the distance while the sun warms your face
an unnatural heat in late december
the first time I've been present today
and not occupied with things that don't matter
let people bring you drama
your heart bring you peace
let your love bring you life

gabrielles dreams

Deep in the night the owl talks
he tells me epic stories and to watch out for the shadows
don't ever stare at the moon too long
girls trapped in cages made of rusting brass bars
the birds sniff lines of coke and snap their pointed beaks at my ankles
eletrical wires hang loosely at my feet
holding my urine while failed thoughts of escape explode in the mind
trying not to choke on the smell of rotting flesh
dying was such a release
my spirit floating suspended in the air a serene sensation
astroflying to my mom to watch her sleep
i bend close to her ear "don't worry" I whisper
I'm of the moon and stars
don't fear the owl says
"what the eye can not see the heart understands"

weather report

At the end of the storm
when things are quieting down
you wait anxiously for the sun to shine
but the storm lingers on and you wonder if the rain will ever stop
have faith that light will come back
the sun will once again reach its golden arms around you
and when you smell the wet cement you will appreciate the heat radiating through your body even more
you will be filled with life

bonfires no shots fired

cant sleep
watching the world spin behind a cigerette
some things never change
and although today i can't complain
can't help remebering the days
of our first golden haze
25 cent singles and dollar forties
in our treehouse hidden from the majority
all the laughs shared on your bedroom floor
waking and baking on the sea shore
my reflection changed in every surface
yelling at god from a sandypit, what is my purpose
lost in my own stinking andolescent shit
full of fears i couldn't admit
long kisses in the back of your mom's car
soaking wet from long hugs in the rain
before the games we played to drive each other insane
secret meetings in the farmhouse
golden slumbers in the field
when all we had was time and life was butt a dream unrealized
who knows what was real
sneaking out to see your smile glow under the streetlight
nothing matters when it all feels right
before we all turned grey and retreated into our minds
a girl dressed in yellow seduced us with no warning signs
we fell deep into her dead eyes
remebering the days we ran naked through fields
remebering that simplistic love of how being a child feels

i want to hold your hand

The road stretchs infintely ahead of us
uncomfortable silences hold our words captive
with everything I can't say
I glance over at you beckoning with my eyes
sex now not a mystery a goal I have already achieved
unsatisfying like a single drop of water on a dry throat
I yearn now for your hand in mine
intimacy the separation of love from lust
the feelings I feel for you
but a young galliant heart riding the wind
wildly without a second thought seldom thinks of deeper connections
who am I to tell you to give up your freedom
give up hot bathroom rendevous for movie nights and cuddle times
just that ten year old girl waiting to catch your eye and slide
this road is more treachorous then you are willing to take
less traveled often abandoned
empty hearts lay trampled heaving slow pumps
barely beating left to suffer at loves grasps
this end maybe tragic
two lovers lying dead in the catacombs
one holding a bottle of poison one with a bloody knife in hand
but the journey to a where their lips met
so powerful and all emcompassing
im sure they would choose this road again
I stare ahead wondering if the end of our road could be better
well i'll wipe the tears away later if only you would hold my hand

moby

my first real masturbation was to moby
i thought i heard the shuffle of angels feet
inspired by distance and jealously
I wanted to please myself
while you tickled other girls fancy
I pushed thoughts of you away
as i pushed my fingers deeper into the soft wetness of my womanlihood
and it felt so good to make myself moan for the first time
showers upon showers of blessings
and just for a tiny moment I didn't need you